Ah, those phonecalls ~ AU Bill/Clarice

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It had been a few days since his new patient appeared. Appeared being the operative term since Bill and the girl both had filled him in. On one hand, he was an old man and he didn't like the world getting set on it's ear so much. On the other, well, he'd always believed there was more out there, enjoyed X-files shamelessly when it was airing, and felt that Clarice was an excellent opportunity to observe alternate biology pathways.

Plus she was a cheerful, if bad patient.

It was the second part that had him on the phone to Bill.

Well, Bill's answering machine. "Bill, it's Dr. Mitchell. I nearly have all the proper paperwork done boy, and certainly not too soon. She's one of those type you know? Needs to be doing something. I nearly had to tie her arm to her side to keep her form doing arm exercises. As if she'd lose muscle mass that quickly! And the room, don't get me started on her cleaning, and moving, and sneaking off to read to the kids in pediatrics..." No, don't get him started.

"....who think she's a fairy by the way. I guess this is a roundabout way of asking if you've found anyone with a hunting cabin she can hole up in yet."

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He laughed and held up his hand.

He was completely kidding, really. He was certain she wasn't about to go around setting fires. The food thing... he was more of a 'does this taste funny to you?' kind of food tester, but that method usually worked.

"Me? I'm a meat an' potatoes kind of guy."

And she already knew he liked dessert.

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"So...you're just easy all around?" Innnnnocent question. Innocent and straight face and a touch too bland.

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Bill almost agreed, but caught on before he said anything.

"Are in insinuatin' somethin' there, girl?"

The pharmacy tech called for them, but Bill kept his eye on Clarice as he stood up to head back to the counter.

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"That you're hardly a gourmand and I need not worry if my meal preparations will offend?" She was, among other things, quick on the riposte! And since he was watching she made a point of smiling cheerfully and sliding to her feet almost as smoothly as she would uninjured!

Showing off, yes.

Tweaking his tail? Yes.

Listening very intently as the tech explained the prescriptions? Double check.

Bill might find the pain pills hidden away in his sock drawer or something though. She didn't like them, didn't want them, was a little too practical to throw them away entirely.

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"Right."

He did his best to hold his disapproving look and smother a smile, but there was plenty of evidence of one around the lines of his mouth, and the corners of his eyes.

He paid attention as the tech went over things, referring him back to Dr. Mitchell again when the question of billing came up.

Now that Clarice had her medication, clothes (what was left of them) and the hospital had her paperwork, Bill heaved a sigh.

"Alright, I think that's it. Y'ready to go?"

As if he had to ask.

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Innnnocent smile! Innocent, easy, and most of all brightening at the idea of finally leaving! "Yes, take me away! Far, far away! At least until...Wednesday?" She did a quick count in her head to make sure.

"Less like some fairytale with that addendum huh?"

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Finally he let his smile go, and laughed.

"Well we ain't goin' too far, but at least Wednesday is just a check-up, an' not another stay?"

Pulling his keys from his pocket, Bill led the way to the exit and his old truck parked outside.

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It was hard to stay annoyed at Clarice? At least she liked to think so? "Provided I do the smart thing and behave instead of pulling stitches or something." If she said it out loud enough she'd remember it? Hopefully?

Old truck. Yep. "Definitely don't know how to drive that. Is it safe?" Back to teasing!

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It was hard, and Bill was finding that out.

"I'd appreciate it if you did, because the doc'll be chewin' my head off if you don't."

Opening and holding the door for her, Bill gave her a wry smile.

"That's alright, since the only one who gets t'drive this ol' truck is me."

He wasn't going to dignify the 'safe' comment with a reply.

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It was a purely natural defense mechanism! Nature was kind to her!

"And you probably look better un-gnawed." She grinned then reached out to poke what she was pretty sure was rust there on his truck. "Picky truck or just rabidly territorial?"

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"I am not rabid," he denied, even as he shooed her hand away from its poking.

"She's a bit touchy, is all."

And he was a bit (read: a lot) protective.

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"Oh, wait, hint of fang there..." she teased, obviously contemplating poking again, though eventually deciding against it. "She? Why is it everyone who actually likes vehicles assumes they're girls?"

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Waiting to see what she's going to do, he gets into the drivers seat when she leaves the rust alone.

Looking over at her, Bill arched a brow.

"Doesn't she seem like a lady?"

Starting the truck, Bill snorted.

"An' unlike some of those idiots drivin' around out there, my truck doesn't have nuts."

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"Looks like a truck, Bill. Plus you have to have nuts, they help hold your truck together." Just because she didn't drive and didn't really care didn't mean she hadn't help strip a vehicle or two for parts later!

"Maybe an old battleaxe?" Yes, she was half expecting ejector seats.

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"I meant-- forget it. You obviously don't understand the value of a good machine."

He shook his head like this was a great shame.

"An' there's nothin' this truck needs that she don't already got."

That includes axes and ejector seats.

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"I meant it could maybe be a woman if she were considered an old battleaxe." She stuck her tongue out cheerfully and cranked down her window so the breeze could flow in. Mmm, breeze. "Like an aged, and might valkyrie. A Brunhilde of mighty, aging, female wrath." Stories she knew.

"I prefer to be my own machine."

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"My truck is not an' old battleaxe."

His truck isn't old. She's... well aged.

"You say it like that an' it makes me think of that fat chick with the horn hat in that Bugs Bunny cartoon."

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"The who with the what now? Bunny?" Morph may have done an impression of Bugs Bunny once. He didn't mention who he was suppose to be though (besides a giant rabbit).

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"Bugs Bunny. Looney Tunes?"

Bill glanced over at her.

"Y'don't know Bugs Bunny?"

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"No, no I don't. Sorry." Seemed she'd have to do some studying to be a part of this world. "Television I take it then? Usually it's television that trips me up."

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"Yeah. It's a cartoon."

He needed to remember she came from a totally different world. But at least she knew about tv.

"Anyways, my truck ain't a fat viking lady." That was the point of all of this, right?

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"Valkyries aren't fat. They're warriors. They may be scarred, but not fat." It just didn't work really, at all. "You learn lore from cartoons? How can that be accurate?"

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"I-- "

Bill searched for an intelligent answer, but none came so he went with the truth.

"Cartoons make it a lot more interestin' than the books."

You never see rabbits dress in drag and sing opera in the history books.

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"...and when you meet a Valkyrie in person how do you cope?" Simple question! Why yes, Norse pantheons were INCREDIBLY active on some worlds! "Choosers of the slain, announcers of heroism and worth. Mr. Creed told one to 'Fuck Off' once since he wasn't the sort to die."

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"We don't have Valkyries... "

At least, Bill's never met one. Or heard of any running around.

"Did uh... did you, where you come from?"