noteasytobepink | Wheelsy AU ~ Hollywood Nights

The calmness was all on the surface, underneath he was hurting like hell.

It was a mask, one he'd worn many times over the years; when Starla had told him she had a date to their first high school dance, when she announced to him she was engaged, when she said goodbye as she left the wedding reception for her honeymoon.

After so much wear chinks in that armor had to develop, and one now let some of his bitterness through.

"Couple parts don't make you a movie star, Starla."

She stiffened, not liking that tone. Not liking it at all. "No, it don't Bill, bit it is work. Work where I don't have to look at children again and wonder when they will die. It's work, not stardom, and I need to work."

This was a good time for Bill's cell to ring right? Right!

"You're lettin' what happened ruin what you worked so hard for."

His jaw tightened when his phone went off, and he tried to ignore it, waiting for it to go to voice.

"You used t'like teachin'."

The cell kept trilling, and Bill barely knew anything about the damn thing. He didn't know how to make it shut up when it was ringing, other than answering it, so he did; giving Starla an apologetic glance as he turned his head.

"Hello?"

"No, Bill, I'm letting what happened be an ending. I worked hard to educate, an I did a good job, but there's no call for it now and I see the children when I close my eyes. No class should have to deal with a haunted teacher!" She slammed her hand on the table then winced and went back to her dessert.

The phone on the other hand..."Hey, letting you know that idiot Bran got himself drunk when you left, so one of your deputies is in the tank for detox. I'm manning the desk tonight since he was suppose to." Clarice chattered in that annoyed voice she reserved for idiots and poor diet. "Sorry, I know I'm not an actual deputy yet or anything but he was being an idiot and you know the guys needed to sleep after that alarm...and...you haven't yelled at me yet. Hello?"

Bill jumped when Starla hammered the table, almost hanging up the phone until what Clarice was saying filtered through.

"Hey, sorry. He did what? That-- " Biting back a curse and shaking his head, Bill glanced at Starla, then lowered his voice into the phone.

"Clarice, listen, I can't talk. What you did is fine, let him dry out, but y'can't officially handle any calls that come in. Go ahead an' man the desk, but if anything serious comes up, call Dave or Rudy in."

"Yeah, I figured. I'm just letting you know what's going on." She grinned and twiddled the phone. "You sound tense. Call me at the desk when you're sitting up brooding okay? I know you. Good night!" She hung up the phone.

Starla was...eating her crumble. Yep. "Trouble?"

"I'm not-- " he held in a sigh, and took in a breath; nodding his head even though Clarice couldn't see him.

"Okay. Let me know if anything major happens."

Hanging up the phone, he looked back across at Starla.

"No. S'alright."

He looked at his brownie and didn't want it anymore, but started to pick at it, just for something to do; trying to figure out what to say now.

"Alright enough that you're not eating a sweet? Of dear." She shook her head. "Or it's me and you are angry at me. Well, be angry then."

"I'm not angry."

He is angry. He's hurting, and this pain is a deep one that's always been there with her, scabbed over but never healed, and now ripped open fresh once again.

He came here thinking he could fix it, that finally he'd be able to close this wound and forget the scar, but her announcement has him blindsided.

Still not knowing what to say, he starts eating the brownie, just so she can't say that he's not.

"Liar," she sighed. She had a lot of experience reading him, and she knew when he was angry. Even if he didn't think he should be. "I never said I was coming back Bill. Not once."

"You never said you weren't," he countered.

"I did now. I had to think on it some." To fair this was true. "My therapist agrees."

His eyes flicked up.

"Therapist?"

His voice was equal parts surprise and distrust (and perhaps some small part jealous, as certain thoughts popped unbidden into the back of his mind).

"So now they prescribe cross-country moves? Drugs would've been cheaper."

That was mean, and he regretted it a moment after he said it, but it wasn't like he could just take it back.

"You'll be happy to know," she responded stiffly. "That my drug bill has gone down incredibly since I moved." So there Sheriff. So there. "First step was to wean me off some of the things I was on, figure out why I cracking like I was, and then work from there." Just so he could be reassured.

"I ain't seein no glory hound Sheriff, so don't you worry none. Now are you done so I can get you to a hotel? I take it you won't be wanting my guest bedroom."

God, he ruined this.

"Starla... I'm sorry. I didn't mean-- "

He set down his fork and shook his head, apology plain on his features.

"I shouldn't've said that."

"Yeah, well, you did didn't you?" She set her fork aside and waved for the check. "Just because you're strong Bill, don't mean all of us are. I didn't like taking all the pills I was, and I like being here. I feel safer, and I know I'm healthier, so sorry if it ruins your plan for rebuilding Wheelsy but I can't."

He automatically reached for his wallet, shaking his head at her.

"This ain't about Wheelsy, Starla. What about-- "

His words cut off, as fear and nerves jammed up in his throat, and he swallowed hard to force them down.

"What about me?"

She passed her card to the waitress before she even got to the table, then blinked. "What about you Bill? I said you could come here and you told me no. I can't go back, not really. You're a stubborn man and I'm your friend but I can't make up your mind about your future for you." She thought he might sleep better ta night away from Wheelsy too, but she couldn't be sure after all.

He flinched, the 'what about you?' might not have been meant as a blow, but it landed like one.

She beat him to paying, so he tucked his wallet away and stared at the table top.

"It's not stubborn, Starla. My whole life is in Wheelsy, I can't just-- "

He shooks his head, and his hand resting on his thigh tightened as he drew in a deep breath. He couldn't look at her as he said it, but it had to be said.

If this was his last chance with her, he needed to act on it, to try and save this sinking boat.

"An' I'm not talkin' about just friends... "

"Can't give up on something even when the world ends huh?" She offered, a touch bitterly. That was alright, he'd always been stronger than her. It was why he was sheriff when she only managed to be a teacher despite her dreams.

She watched him tense, then blinked ta the next bit. "Bill...ah..." What was she suppose to say? "Bill, you're my friend."

"The world didn't end, Starla. It might've been flipped upside down an' shaken, but we're still livin' an' breathin', so it can't be over."

Her emphasis on friend stung, but he soldiered on.

His heart was beating too hard in his chest, but he forced his voice to come out steady, lifted his eyes up meet hers.

"What if, I wanted to be more than just a friend?"

"Maybe yours didn't Bill." She'd give him that much. "And i"m happy you still got somethin don't get me wrong." She didn't feel like she did though. It was just the way it was.

Ah, her therapist had mentioned this possibility. Just like she'd wanted to jump Bill's bones for the first few weeks after the whole ordeal, fear and adrenaline made people need to feel alive, and that was fine. It had faded though and she was glad she hadn't made a fool of herself. That didn't fade easy with some though, especially folks that got to be the hero.

And he'd always been protective.

"I"m not seein' that workin' Bill." She did say it gently?

"Why not?"

It was a question, honestly asked. He wasn't defensive, not yet.

If it was the distance they could work on that; he could convince her to come home or... maybe he could try the L.A. thing.

If it was anything else, he needed to know why. Needed the chance to change her mind.

"Well, there's the 'I'm not goin back to Wheelsy' thing for starters." She pointed out, holding up a finger. "But the main reason bein I'm not goin to do the romantic relationship with someone I'm not that attracted to thing again." After all, look where that had got her.

"You're my friend, maybe my best friend, but I just don't see you as someone I want in my bed." She even managed to say that without blushing! It was just...truth. "For awhile we were the last people alive, almost on earth as far as I felt, and that almost, almost worked for me Bill, but that didn't last."

Her words were a kick in the gut and the stones, and it left him reeling without any response. He dropped his head and sat there feeling her sharp blade carve the heart out of his chest.

All this time, all those years of carrying a torch for her, and it all came down to her just not finding him attractive enough?

He felt robbed, cheated, like it was all just a twisted joke and they'd finally arrived at the punchline.

"So that's it, none of the rest of it matters, then?"

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