noteasytobepink | Wheelsy AU ~ Hollywood Nights

"But, Starla, all that's passed. You don't gotta be-- why didn't you ever say anything before?"

He could've helped, he could have comforted, or protected her, or something.

"Of course it's still home. The town's recovered, y'can't just leave."

"I couldn't put my finger on it Bill! I just thought it was normal to be so broken after somethin so scary you know?!" She waved her fork at him, a little frustrated.

"But don't you see Bill? It ain't. All my students, all the kids, the whole school, the future of Wheelsy? They all died Bill. AN my husband. An my neighbors. An everyone but you Bill. It's the people that make it home and they just ain't there anymore!" Yes, yes she could just leave.

He drew back as if struck, feeling guilty for not knowing something had been so wrong.

"Starla, I know what happened was terrible. We lost a lot of folk, an' the town took a huge blow, but she's comin' around again. We fixed her," I fixed her, "an' the people who survived are makin' Wheelsy what it was."

For a long time, from the rebuilding to now, he held onto this belief, hoping his conviction would be enough to make others believe, and now he needed Starla to.

"It's still a good place t'live."

"Bill, the town died. A town isn't the houses or the streets, it's the people and three people ain't enough to make it all fine." No matter people had moved back from other parts of the country, people who had moved away after school and such. It wasn't the same.

"It may be a good place to live, I ain't gonna deny that. Lightning never strikes twice and all you know? but I'm sayin it's not a good place for me and I ain't goin back."

Bill felt like something cold and sharp had been stuck in his chest, and the finality he heard in Starla's decision was twisting it around.

"So what're you gonna do? Stay here in Hollywood?"

"Perhaps," She shrugged. "I do have a job after all. We'll see where I end up later but that's not somethin I need to know now." she was just glad he was taking this as calmly as he was?

The calmness was all on the surface, underneath he was hurting like hell.

It was a mask, one he'd worn many times over the years; when Starla had told him she had a date to their first high school dance, when she announced to him she was engaged, when she said goodbye as she left the wedding reception for her honeymoon.

After so much wear chinks in that armor had to develop, and one now let some of his bitterness through.

"Couple parts don't make you a movie star, Starla."

She stiffened, not liking that tone. Not liking it at all. "No, it don't Bill, bit it is work. Work where I don't have to look at children again and wonder when they will die. It's work, not stardom, and I need to work."

This was a good time for Bill's cell to ring right? Right!

"You're lettin' what happened ruin what you worked so hard for."

His jaw tightened when his phone went off, and he tried to ignore it, waiting for it to go to voice.

"You used t'like teachin'."

The cell kept trilling, and Bill barely knew anything about the damn thing. He didn't know how to make it shut up when it was ringing, other than answering it, so he did; giving Starla an apologetic glance as he turned his head.

"Hello?"

"No, Bill, I'm letting what happened be an ending. I worked hard to educate, an I did a good job, but there's no call for it now and I see the children when I close my eyes. No class should have to deal with a haunted teacher!" She slammed her hand on the table then winced and went back to her dessert.

The phone on the other hand..."Hey, letting you know that idiot Bran got himself drunk when you left, so one of your deputies is in the tank for detox. I'm manning the desk tonight since he was suppose to." Clarice chattered in that annoyed voice she reserved for idiots and poor diet. "Sorry, I know I'm not an actual deputy yet or anything but he was being an idiot and you know the guys needed to sleep after that alarm...and...you haven't yelled at me yet. Hello?"

Bill jumped when Starla hammered the table, almost hanging up the phone until what Clarice was saying filtered through.

"Hey, sorry. He did what? That-- " Biting back a curse and shaking his head, Bill glanced at Starla, then lowered his voice into the phone.

"Clarice, listen, I can't talk. What you did is fine, let him dry out, but y'can't officially handle any calls that come in. Go ahead an' man the desk, but if anything serious comes up, call Dave or Rudy in."

"Yeah, I figured. I'm just letting you know what's going on." She grinned and twiddled the phone. "You sound tense. Call me at the desk when you're sitting up brooding okay? I know you. Good night!" She hung up the phone.

Starla was...eating her crumble. Yep. "Trouble?"

"I'm not-- " he held in a sigh, and took in a breath; nodding his head even though Clarice couldn't see him.

"Okay. Let me know if anything major happens."

Hanging up the phone, he looked back across at Starla.

"No. S'alright."

He looked at his brownie and didn't want it anymore, but started to pick at it, just for something to do; trying to figure out what to say now.

"Alright enough that you're not eating a sweet? Of dear." She shook her head. "Or it's me and you are angry at me. Well, be angry then."

"I'm not angry."

He is angry. He's hurting, and this pain is a deep one that's always been there with her, scabbed over but never healed, and now ripped open fresh once again.

He came here thinking he could fix it, that finally he'd be able to close this wound and forget the scar, but her announcement has him blindsided.

Still not knowing what to say, he starts eating the brownie, just so she can't say that he's not.

"Liar," she sighed. She had a lot of experience reading him, and she knew when he was angry. Even if he didn't think he should be. "I never said I was coming back Bill. Not once."

"You never said you weren't," he countered.

"I did now. I had to think on it some." To fair this was true. "My therapist agrees."

His eyes flicked up.

"Therapist?"

His voice was equal parts surprise and distrust (and perhaps some small part jealous, as certain thoughts popped unbidden into the back of his mind).

"So now they prescribe cross-country moves? Drugs would've been cheaper."

That was mean, and he regretted it a moment after he said it, but it wasn't like he could just take it back.

"You'll be happy to know," she responded stiffly. "That my drug bill has gone down incredibly since I moved." So there Sheriff. So there. "First step was to wean me off some of the things I was on, figure out why I cracking like I was, and then work from there." Just so he could be reassured.

"I ain't seein no glory hound Sheriff, so don't you worry none. Now are you done so I can get you to a hotel? I take it you won't be wanting my guest bedroom."

God, he ruined this.

"Starla... I'm sorry. I didn't mean-- "

He set down his fork and shook his head, apology plain on his features.

"I shouldn't've said that."

"Yeah, well, you did didn't you?" She set her fork aside and waved for the check. "Just because you're strong Bill, don't mean all of us are. I didn't like taking all the pills I was, and I like being here. I feel safer, and I know I'm healthier, so sorry if it ruins your plan for rebuilding Wheelsy but I can't."

He automatically reached for his wallet, shaking his head at her.

"This ain't about Wheelsy, Starla. What about-- "

His words cut off, as fear and nerves jammed up in his throat, and he swallowed hard to force them down.

"What about me?"

She passed her card to the waitress before she even got to the table, then blinked. "What about you Bill? I said you could come here and you told me no. I can't go back, not really. You're a stubborn man and I'm your friend but I can't make up your mind about your future for you." She thought he might sleep better ta night away from Wheelsy too, but she couldn't be sure after all.

He flinched, the 'what about you?' might not have been meant as a blow, but it landed like one.

She beat him to paying, so he tucked his wallet away and stared at the table top.

"It's not stubborn, Starla. My whole life is in Wheelsy, I can't just-- "

He shooks his head, and his hand resting on his thigh tightened as he drew in a deep breath. He couldn't look at her as he said it, but it had to be said.

If this was his last chance with her, he needed to act on it, to try and save this sinking boat.

"An' I'm not talkin' about just friends... "

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