Wheelsy AU ~ Phone calls

The phone rang at something like noon. 'Something like' because Clarice had been sleeping and the clock wasn't anywhere near the couch. A good part of her wanted to toss the noisy thing out the window and roll back over on the couch, but the rest of her felt rather obliged to do otherwise. A moment of fumbling then in as cheerful a voice as she could manage "Hello, Bill's phone. He's out of town can I take a message?"

If it was the doc, or an emergency, she'd forgive them. Sadly it was neither. "Hello, is this Clarice?"

Blink took a moment to evaluate, trying to place the voice, then shrugged. "Yes ma'am it is. May I ask who's calling?"

The voice on the other line gave a laugh, a practiced, bright sound that made Clarice wince. "Oh, sorry, where are my manners? I'm Starla. Starla Grant."

In retrospect, it was a good thing this reality didn't have video phones because Clarice was sure that her face didn't look too pleasant at that revelation. She knew her voice was cooler at least. "I see. How can I help you Mrs. Grant?" She was rather certain that if Bill had gotten a last minute 'no, don't leave, stay with me forever' from this woman that he'd have called himself. Ergo...Starla was probably on a fact finding mission.

"Oh! Ah, I was just wondering if Bill was home yet?" To give the woman credit she did bright and a little clueless really damn well.

"Considering you bought the plane tickets I'm going to guess you know better than that Mrs. Grant. I'm also quite sure he'll call you himself when he gets home safely; he's thoughtful like that. So...pull the other leg? It's not currently belled but I could still make jingle noises for you." Sometimes, and she was more than happy to admit it, Clarice could be a snarky bitch.

"Well I..." Now Starla sounded a bit affronted. All to the good in Blink's book, after all she'd given Bill grief for years it seemed.

"...didn't really think this call through? No ma'am you didn't. Why don't you just cut to the chase? I am a big girl I can handle direct questioning." And it was really early for her to be awake. She preferred this call over with as soon as possible.

"Well fine then." Some of the clueless sweetness leaked out of Starla's voice, and Clarice had to admit it was an improvement. "I did call to talk to you."

Well, there was a revelation. "And? Is it judgement time yet then?"

Starla sniffed through the phone. "I'm not sure I like the idea of Bill sharing a house with you. You're not a very polite person are you?"

Ah, there it was. Clarice smiled and twirled a nearby pen between her fingers since...well, she liked to move while talking honestly. "What you like and don't like, Mrs. Starla, hardly matters in this case."

"What?!" Ah, that was outrage. Clarice knew that sound! "Bill's my friend! Of course it matters!"

"No." Clarice cut in firmly. "You don't treat Bill like a friend do you? He's your knight maybe, but not your friend. He's expected to jump when you say so, adore you from a distance, and give his life for you but...you don't really do the same in turn do you? Sorry Princess, but I've got better things to do than worry about stepping on your status quo." Yes, maybe she was being a little mean...didn't mean it wasn't true. And heavens knew Bill wouldn't say these things himself. Or even really realize them. He wasn't at that point of 'over Starla' yet.

"I beg your pardon?!"

"You heard me ma'am. You really don't have any right to be sticking your nose into Bill's life nor call to attempt changing it." Hell, she almost wished Bill had taken up one of the local women on a romantic offer just so she could inform Starla that Bill was quite capable of being happy despite the princess. Oh well.

"Bill and I have been friends forever! Of course I..."

"Stop that." Clarice sighed. "You want to pull the 'friends forever' card you'll have to tell me how a bright women like yourself missed the fact that he loved you all these years. Granted, I doubt you missed it at all. Was it comforting to know someone would also love you no matter what? Was it reassuring to always have that backup even if it wasn't the love you wanted?" There was perhaps a lesson in this. That lesson being 'Never wake Clarice up and expect not to suffer for it'.

"I never..."

"Stop it. You did and you know it. You're simply not that oblivious, no matter how well you pull the idiot act. After all, an idiot wouldn't have survived what happened here, Bill or no. The whole town knows, Starla, and you being the princess of the town, you couldn't have missed it. By the way, town ain't so happy with you now either." And they weren't. The gossip and grumbling is where Clarice got a lot of her background info on this situation!

"Would you quit saying what I do and do not think?!" Starla was past indignant now and into angry. Good. Angry people were easy to annoy more.

"Sure, I'm not a psychologist after all Mrs. Grant." Clarice chirped cheerfully. "But I will tell you a woman across the country calling the woman living in Bill's house and being disapproving doesn't fit the 'friend' category either. A friend who had just turned down a romance with Bill would be happy he had someone living with him to blunt the blow as it were. A friend would even be happy if Bill had a girlfriend waiting back home. What you sound like, right now, is more of a jealous manipulator than a friend, and frankly I'm surprised the town didn't turn on you sooner for how you played Bill."

Silence, blessed silence for a few moments then "Wheelsy never..."

"Didn't they?" Clarice smiled into the receiver. "Knights have always been more popular than princesses, especially a distant princess. I bet Bill was your only source of recent gossip, and now that's probably dried up as well."

"Do you have a point Clarice?"

"I've already made them." Clarice leaned back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. "You've been dethroned in the small kingdom you had here, you've personally kicked your knight to the side, and now you think you have some reason to be involved in anything here? If I wasn't so tired I'd be laughing ma'am." Because the woman needed a severe reality check. Was Hollywood a good place for those? Eh, at least she wasn't the prettiest fish in the much larger pond there.

"When Bill hears..."

"Oh, yes, he'd probably be angry with me. But then you'd have to explain why you wanted to call and grill me now wouldn't you? I doubt he'd approve of the jealous martingale approach any more than I do." And Clarice could tell it wasn't even the fact that Starla wanted to live with Bill. No, it was the 'anyone is living with Bill' thing that was getting to the woman. Bill had his place at Starla's feet and even saying it wasn't so wouldn't change jealousy or anger over Bill not being there anymore. "Go ahead and tell him though. I can tell him most of the conversation verbatim."

"You...YOU!" Music to the pink girl's ears really.

"Yes ma'am, me. Thank you for calling Bill's phone! I hope you have a good day!" Yes, hanging up now. There was something very satisfying in hanging up on the woman, burying the phone in the cushions, and going back to sleep.