noteasytobepink | Wheelsy AU ~ Hollywood Nights

His head went down, and he stared at the top of his can.

"It's not her fault. I-- she didn't know. I never told her."

Never mind the fact that everyone else in the world knew. Or all the time he spent with her. Or the night he risked everything to save her.

"She didn't do this on purpose."

"Because Starla is pure as the driven snow," Clarice sighed. No use trying to convince him otherwise really.

"I still don't like her, don't expect me to. She may not have known, or guessed, but she still used you and rather casually at that so I'm not happy."

Looking up again, he eyed her.

"I never said she was perfect, no one is, but she didn't use me."

"We can agree to disagree there." Because from what Clarice could tell there was a whole lot of Bill going out on limbs for Starla, and...not much reciprocal risk going on.

"Perhaps I'm a jealous little pink girl."

Bill was ready to press the issue, but a part of him realized he might not like the outcome if he did.

Instead he poured out another cup of whiskey, and used the action as an ending point on the argument.

"Why would you be jealous?"

No, he probably not like it at all. And he wouldn't want to layer angry on top of disappointment and depression tonight would he?

"Hmmm? Why not? What's not to be jealous of?"

He tilted his head, studying her, but couldn't tell if she was knocking him, or what she was getting at.

"Who are you jealous of?" Maybe that was the better question to ask.

"You, sometimes, I would guess. You live a very simple life with a lot of black and white with little in between." People were good, or they were bad, and even when they betrayed him they were still good people. "You have a lot of faith in people." Even when misplaced.

"And maybe a little of her. She doesn't know what she's turned aside."

His jaw ticked on the word 'simple', but that's not what she was calling him. He did keep a pretty straightforward catalog of people, and it was very hard and rare for him to move anyone from one column to the other. Even when maybe he should.

"Some people would call that naive." If they were being nice and not just flat out calling it stupid.

The truth was, Bill was built for a small town, and made to be a cop there. Black and white, faith and manners had taken him up through the ranks in Wheelsy, but the chances were slim he'd survive anywhere else; and he knew it.

"My simple life for bright lights an' fame... I guess I can't really blame her."

"I could wish for simple." she shrugged. "I couldn't stop analyzing if I tried now. There's always angles, Bill, and there's always reasons behind the reasons." It was important to know them all.

"Easier to ignore the shadows when the lights never go out Bill, I'll give the bright lights that." She pulled a stick into her lap to sharpen. "But you never see the stars or grow if there's no still nights either. I like it here."

"Sometimes people are just people." With their heart out on their sleeve. Like him. Or so he thought.

Her last words surprised him.

"Y'do?"

"People usually are just people, but people are complicated Bill, even you. You just pretend you're not and don't think too deeply on the facets if you don't have to." Otherwise he'd learn more about his friends and neighbors than he wanted to know! "That's normal for living in a society properly. No one wants to think ill of people they see every day, or even really understand them." It wouldn't lead to social harmony!

"It is a good place for healing, Bill."

"I don't think I'm all that complicated at all."

Taking a drink of whiskey, he swirled the remaining liquid in the cup.

"You're always so restless, I kinda thought the small town life was drivin' you nuts."

"You're very complicated Bill, and you dislike talking about yourself and you're own thoughts to a nearly paranoid degree. You prefer to let others guess about you, or assume, and live up to their rumors." Self containment, to a degree.

"I am restless, but that's me, not your town. I don't know when I'll get yanked back, and I'm not up to par yet, which puts me on edge."

He gave a dry chuckle.

"Paranoid. Don't think I've been called that before."

He thought over her words, and wondered if she was right about him.

He was here because Starla invited him, and even after what happened today he could be sure she never gave a thought to him leaving. She assumed he would be here for her tomorrow night, and he would be.

And when he went home, the rumors would swirl about what happened, and he probably wouldn't do a thing to deny them.

"Well I'm glad at least you're likin' it while you're here. There, I mean, y'know."

"Don't worry Bill, I tend to be a first for lots of things. First paranoia statement, first pink humanoid, first mutant...etc etc etc." She waved a hand in that 'so forth and so on' kinda gesture. "Tell me if I lie. Is it easier your way then?" Easy might account for it?

"Here, there, all the same planet really. Yours isn't so bad."

He thought about it a moment, then gave a weak shrug.

"I dunno. I get run over an' knocked down a lot, an' most times it doesn't seem like anyone notices." Or cares. "They expect me t'pick myself back up an' walk it off, an' I do, but sometimes only because I'm supposed to."

He's the good son. The starting quarterback. The friendly sheriff. The hometown hero.

If this were another world, he'd be wearing a cape and leaping over tall buildings.

"It's easier t'do it that way, than to disappoint. Or let folks in to see what's real."

"People have to be real sometimes Bill, you know that." Maybe deep inside but he knew. "Else you burn out and lose track of what's truly good and moral in the world." He'd erase himself while he was chasing what others expected.

"You're important to, and a person I'd like to know."

"Maybe I'm burnt out already." Not that he felt his moral scale had been tilted, but he had doubts now about where he was all that in touch with himself.

Taking a drink, he swallowed slowly and let her words settle.

"What did you want t'know?"

"Do you feel burnt out then?" She asked, curious. "It is a risk, A vacation perhaps? Did you even rest after the attack on Wheelsy or throw yourself back into work?" She set her spike aside and leaned forward again, watching him.

As for the other..."Anything you'd like to tell. I'm your friend Bill, not your interrogator."

"I feel it sometimes. Stretched thin, I guess."

Maybe he was overworked, but he was needed. And he liked his job, really, he did.

"The town was a wreck, I couldn't just-- " he shook his head. "I put her back together, an' then I made sure she was runnin' well after."

And then he kept going from there.

"Besides, what the hell would I do on vacation? Putter around an' empty house? Get a taste of what retirement's gonna be like?"

She wasn't interrogating him, which was good. She also wasn't some therapist, which was better.

"I think we've had some good talks. I mean... well, I think I've talked t'you more than I have anyone else in a long time."

"I think you do need a vacation then," she nodded. "Someplace NOT Wheelsy for a while. Maybe a beach, or a different set of mountains with slightly different fishing. Don't tell me you couldn't fish for a week peacefully." Or watch football if there was a week of football?

"Does that make me easy to talk to then?"

"I guess I could do that." His reply was noncommittal enough to suggest that he didn't think now would be the best time.

After today, a week away from Wheelsy and the Job would probably just be a week of more boozing and too much time spent on 'what if?' thoughts.

"Yeah, I guess. Y'are, an' maybe part of it is that third party stuff you're always talkin' about, but you're also... I dunno. Nice about it."

He didn't feel pressured with her, and he always felt like she was actually listening.

She hadn't meant now, not tonight certainly, and she hadn't really meant alone. She didn't trust him alone right now...

"You guess then. Hmmm, I'll have to research vacation spots then. And make a swimsuit." DOOOOOOOM!

"You're worth listening to Bill. You've a lot to say sometimes, and you listen when I speak too."

"Charleston has a nice beach," he said over his cup. "Been there a couple times."

He knew he was probably the only person on the planet who had to be dragged into a vacation, but he'd try and get behind the idea.

"I didn't realize how quiet the house was until you started stayin' with me. I shoot the shit with a lotta people, but I didn't have anyone t'really talk to anymore."

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